she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I need to stop coming to work sober
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
