sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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