Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
