I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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