Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
