I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
