8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
