So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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