I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Randomize
