wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
