We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
