I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
how does that bad decision feel?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
