when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I showed him my bush... on skype.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
