I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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