How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
