jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
