Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
