I'm lost and stupid without you.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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