i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
