my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
