quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
it's like iHOP with fire
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
