no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
