Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
