I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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