i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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