well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
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