Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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