I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize