Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
