Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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