Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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