you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she woke up with a sticky ear
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
