Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It's blow job season.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
