Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Well I just put wine in my tea
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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