Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize