Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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