i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
