oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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