So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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