good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
