People in love make me want to vomit
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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