I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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