I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I love you.
Bad choice
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
