I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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