apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just found a bag of teeth...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
