He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
