how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
