we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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