my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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