The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
