U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you have to choose: penises or morals?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
