I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
