we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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