oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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