Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm like, not good at living.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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