There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
