Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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