I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
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