I will die if light touches me.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I have feelings that need drinking.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
