his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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