I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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