im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize