after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
