So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
