god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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