my sisters under your porch take her home
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
