I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
