Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
