so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
