You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
