K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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