Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
