so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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