Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just want nice things and good sex
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He did a backflip because drugs
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