how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
