actually, I'm a sock model
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
