I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
And my parents said I crawled through the house
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
