what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
