she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
