We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
this just has baby written all over it
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
