Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
