can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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