I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
