we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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