I skipped work to stalk him.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
