so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I want to be your penis for a week.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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