youre lurking in front of me
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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