she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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