Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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