carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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