Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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