I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
