just come out here and I will go home with you...
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
