Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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