I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
