He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
love makes seman taste better
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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