Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
