I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
