My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
