My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
