New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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