God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
