Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My hand turned me down
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
