Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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