New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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