I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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