Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
