the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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