Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
